Dear Red

DEAR RED VELVET,

THOUGH YOU ARE SOMEONE I HOLD NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART, I AM AFRAID THAT YOU HAVE OVER STAYED YOUR WELCOME THUS CAUSING OUR RELATIONSHIP TO BECOME STRAINED. WHILE I ALWAYS ENJOY THE MOIST YUMMY CAKEY GOODNESS YOU BRING WITH YOUR VISITS (AS DEMONSTRATED BY MY CONSUMPTION OF OVER 8 PIECES), I AM AFRAID THAT YOU HAVE BECOME A BAD INFLUENCE ON HIPS AND THIGHS (AND YOU KNOW HOW MISERABLE THEY CAN MAKE THINGS WHEN THEY BECOME UNRULY). 

SO I ASK FOR THE SAKE OF OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT YOU HOLD OFF ON STOPPING THROUGH FOR A WHILE TILL WE CAN RECOVER FROM THIS LAST RIP ROMPING ESCAPADE.

LOVE

MS. MARTHA-WANNA-BEE